My identity changed

The day I lost my son everything about me changed. Before the loss, I was a mother to four beautiful living sons and now I had one in Heaven. I was focused on my career and worked too much. After losing my son, the drive to succeed diminished and what was important in my life changed. I wanted to learn all I could about Heaven, the afterlife, spirituality and different religious beliefs. I longed to know what my son’s new life was all about. Did he know how much we all missed and loved him? Did he miss us? What did he do all day? I wanted to figure out the mystery of death and that became my new mission. There were so many “why” questions with no answers and for a person who always liked control this was extremely frustrating. Loss changed me and I can never go back to the person I was. I lost a little zest and yet it totally broke my heart open. I gained so much more compassion and empathy for others who are hurting. When someone losses a loved one, I want to throw my arms around them.